Dogwalkers On Walks Having Talks

A well-known 'secret' about professional pet sitters is that we have full-on, in-depth conversations with the pets we take care of. I’m not talking about the casual, “Who’s a good boy?” or “Did you miss me?” No, I mean real conversations — the kind that veer into existential therapy sessions. And of course there's the occasional full Broadway production of made-up songs and dances we do for your fuzzy babies.

Some mornings, a dog and I might tackle big meaningful questions: What is the meaning of life? Why do humans put clothes on dogs? Is squirrel-chasing a primal reaction or a random act of violence? Other times, our chats are far more…biological. I’ll offer heartfelt congratulations for a truly impressive poo. I’ll reassure them that a quick pee is fine if it’s raining. I’ll praise their aim like they just won Olympic gold in Urine Stream Targeting.

Here’s the problem: I never want to be caught having these conversations. It’s not that I’m ashamed of the pets, they’re wonderful. I’m just not ready for a human being to overhear me saying, “That was a USDA Grade A poopie, buddy! You should be proud!”

And yet… it happens.

There’s nothing quite like realizing a neighbor has been standing across the street while you’ve been saying, “Ooo lookit that squirrel! You see that squirrel Fido?! Bettah get outta here Mr. Squirrel! Ain't no nuts down here!"

The embarrassment is immediate. All I can do is smile and keep walking. No need to pretend I'm practicing for an improv class I’m not actually in.

But I’ll keep having these conversations. Because pets don’t just hear us; they listen. They don’t roll their eyes when you overshare. They don’t tell you to stop talking about bodily functions. And in their own way, they answer back.

So if you ever catch me having a deep, meaningful heart-to-heart with your dog, just know this: we’re not crazy. We’re just very, very close friends.

POOP HOOPS!

Walking dogs every day is a dream job! But like any routine, sometimes it starts to feel like I’m Bill Murray living in my own personal version of Groundhog Day. Or rather Ground-Dog Day in this case. Same dogs. Same streets. Same squirrels always starting some mess they cain’t finish. I wave to the same neighbors at the same time every morning because my version of Groundhog Day has a limited Extras budget!

After a while, the daily rhythm becomes white noise and that’s when I like to spice things up. To do that I play POOP HOOPS - my personal street sport. After scooping a poop, if there’s an open trash bin in sight, I challenge myself to see how far away I can toss the bag and still make it in. It’s part sport + part sanitation service. My average is decent - think Junior Varsity level; so a call from the WNBA is out of the question.

It’s not all glory either. It takes guts. Guts to trudge over with the dog(s) in tow in a mutual walk of shame when I miss. Guts to grab the poop bag from behind the trash bin that’s landed on whatever ghastly objects happen to be back there. Guts to hold our heads up and move on, hoping no one else witnessed our agony of defeat.

It’s not glamorous, but it keeps things interesting. Because when you're doing the same loop with the same leash and the same four-legged clients, a little creative competition with oneself goes a long way. Next up: Squirrel Baiting! I’m kidding. Just seeing who's actually reading this stuff.

 

Puppy Protest!

 

Sometimes I get a dog that "puts on the brakes" during a walk - just plants their feet firmly on the pavement like a toddler refusing to leave the toy aisle! If they’re smaller dogs, no problem - I just pick them up, carry them a few feet, place them down and they're back in action like little wind-up toys.

The larger and heavier dogs...not so much! Some will stage a full-on protest like they’re fighting for better treat wages and longer cuddle breaks. They flat out refuse to do what's expected of them i.e. enjoying time outside, taking care of business, and checking out messages other dogs have left them. 

Some take it further by lying down and rolling over on their backs! There’s nothing I can do. It's a stalemate and a canine strike is imminent. All I can do is sit back down at the concrete negotiation table (or sidewalk), use belly rubs as a concession and hope they don't make me late for my next pet visit. Because seeing a bunch of dogs holding picket signs is not good for business.🐶

Al-CAT-traz!

Some cats are content with the comforts of home; sunny windowsills, a full bowl of food. Then there are the cats that plot their escape like they’re locked up in Alcatraz! One cat tried to bolt past me as I retrieved a package from outside. I grabbed his little fuzzy butt so fast I think he's still recovering from whiplash!

I'm always very careful when entering a home - one leg blocking the doorway as I enter slowly and carefully, always on high alert so as not to allow the cat a window of opportunity. It was my last visit for this one cat “Fluffy” who figured out my game after watching and learning my behavior all week long.   

On that last day she managed to slip past me! I quickly went after her. She stopped, sat down, turned around, and looked at me. I thought 'whew that was easy!' As I approached her slowly this little vamp quickly scaled the fence and walked along the edge towards the back and across on to the neighbor's backyard fence!

My inner Spider Man immediately kicked in and I was scaling that fence and gaining ground on that little sucker! There was no way I was gonna let this little fuzzy interloper ruin my track record of "zero losses.” Fluffy froze when she saw me coming. I was able to grab her and with one arm wrapped around her and one keeping me steady on the fence I managed to get her back inside. 

She gave me a hard ‘side-eye’ like I put her in solitary confinement. It wasn’t until after I left that I realized I had cuts and scrapes on my hands, arms and legs. And if you've never been 'side-eyed' by a cat, consider yourself lucky. It cuts deeper than a handmade shank by a feline convict.

 

License To Pill!

 

As a pet sitter, I pride myself on being prepared. I use what I’d like to think is a sophisticated Swiss Army knife-mode of field technology that would make James Bond’s "Q" jealous. Ok it’s just a pet sitting app. 

But it has fields for everything a sitter would need to know. For instance, there’s the Food section. Most clients give detailed info. ‘Tiger gets ½ can of wet food in the blue bowl at 8am.’ Then there’s Medication: ‘Fido gets an insulin shot at 7pm. Insulin is in the fridge next to what looks like a live science experiment but it’s not. Just don’t touch it.’

But some clients? Zero. Zilch. Nada. When I can’t get a hold of them via text or phone call, I’m left channeling my inner MacGyver!

“What’s this? An open can of tuna in the fridge? Is that today’s dinner or tomorrow’s breakfast? This crumpled note says, ‘Remember the meds.’ Okay, which meds? The blue pill or the red pill? Forget the cat; can I take one of each at this point?”

Sometimes it feels less like pet sitting and more like 007.

Bond Villain: “To survive Mr. Bond, you must determine how much kibble to feed Mittens. Too little and you’ll face the wrath of kitty toe-beans in your face! Too much and…well, let’s just say the litter box will self-destruct in 10 seconds!”

With just a little preparation and detailed information, I’ll have everything I need to properly and confidently care for your pet and maintain my sanity. Because while I love a challenge, I’d rather feel less like MacGyver and more like James Bond…License to Pill! 

Bad puns suck. But good ones are Money Punny! [see what I did there?]

Sometimes I'm Hazel!

 

Everybody is busy. Not everyone has the time or energy to clean up, dust off or sweep up. And hiring a housekeeper every week, much less once a month is not in everyone's budget. But tidying up is not just about cleanliness, although that's important, it's also about keeping your pets out of potential harm. Like maybe don't leave that half-eaten chocolate bar hanging off the edge of your kitchen counter that would take Fido one good stretch of his neck to grab, gobble up and end up in the ER.

Often times I have to channel my inner Hazel to prevent any incidental pet casualties. I don't mind putting on that "apron" especially if I'm visiting a client's home for several days. Working in a clean environment benefits everyone. So sweeping various unidentified food particles off the floor, throwing away that broken plate in the corner, quick-mopping mystery stains found through out the pet areas and throwing away that used female blood-collecting device off the floor (YES that s--t happened!🤮) makes my job SO much freakin' easier and less stressful.

If I'm doing a stretch of Overnight visits and a client leaves me a kitchen straight out of Kitchen Nightmares I'm going to give it a good once-over that would make Gordon Ramsay blush. Because botulism is not on my To-Do list.

So I'm fine with doing a little cleaning, it gives my brain a feeling of calm and saves me from being grossed out from whatever mystery object is on the floor. 

We are all busy. I'm busy too and after a long day of work I make sure I come home to a clean, relaxing environment. That's why when the situation calls for it, sometimes I become my own Hazel, or your Hazel. In any case Mr. Baxter will be happy.

absfuzzybabies.com

Lady Gross-Gross!

 

As a pet sitter, it may sound gross, but nothing gives me greater satisfaction than a dog doing its business on a walk. That little squat? That's my victory dance. That fresh pile? That's my trophy. It's like I'm operation a Play-Doh Fun Factory, and my clients are cranking out exactly what's expected. 👍

When it doesn't happen? Pure disappointment. A non-pooper makes me feel like I've failed at my mission, like an Uber driver who got ghosted at the pick-up spot. 

However, when it does happen and it's a melty soft-serve mess? Well, let's just say that's a 'loose-loose' situation for everyone involved. 

But tracking a dog's elimination is a crucial part of my job. It's one of the biggest indicators of their health. Because unlike humans, dogs can't just text their vet, "Hey Doc, I'm gonna need that weird little talking Cologuard box. Something's off."

If there are strange objects in their poop? I don't just report back, I document. Yes, I take pictures for the client. You could call me the Poop-arazzi! I'll try not to hold my breath for the Lady Gaga reboot version of the song with the similar title.

So, pet parents, keep an eye on those 'deposits' and channel your inner Poop-arazzi. Because when it comes to your pup's health, the 'scoop' is in the poop!

No autographs...PLEASE!

Lost & FOUND Hounds

 

At least once or twice a year, I find myself playing amateur detective when I come across a dog that has Houdini’d its way out of the house. Thankfully, I have a knack for figuring out where these escape artists live—either by leashing them and letting them lead me home like a four-legged GPS or by asking passersby if they recognize the furry fugitive.

Most of the time, the owners never even know their little explorer took an unauthorized field trip. I’ll just herd them back through an open gate and close it tight. Sometimes, I find a front door flung wide open, shuffle Fido back inside like a personal valet at a doggy nightclub, and shut the door. And no one knows because I leave like a pet-sitting Ninja. 

I just want to make sure these lost hounds are found before they end up on a "missing" poster. I'd like to think of myself as the Gabi Moseley for dogs. Only I don't have an evil dog locked up in my basement to help me solve cases.

Your Dog is Not a Ming Dynasty Emperor: The Perils of Long Nails

 

 

One of my responsibilities as a professional pet sitter and dog walker is keeping an eye out for signs of illness, behavioral changes, and anything out of the ordinary and yes, including the consistency of your pet’s elimination (glamorous, I know). But the most common issue I see? Nails.

I often find myself telling clients that it might be time for a trim. Because unless their dog is auditioning for the role of a Ming Dynasty emperor, those claws need to go. Overgrown nails aren’t just a minor cosmetic issue; they can lead to serious discomfort, joint pain, and misaligned toes. Plus, if your dog is slipping and sliding across hardwood floors like Tom Cruise in Risky Business, it’s time to grab the clippers.

Long nails change how dogs walk, forcing them to shift their weight awkwardly, which can eventually lead to arthritis or joint issues. And if you’ve ever been on the receiving end of an overgrown paw slap, you already know the dangers firsthand.

So do your pup a favor, get those nails trimmed. Because trust me, the only thing worse than a dog with long nails is the grimace on your face when they use you as a launchpad! 😬